I want to say goodbye

I´m starting to give up on myself. I feel like it´s the end of everything. I can´t seem to find something to make me feel optimistic and lately most of the time I want to go to sleep and never wake up. Maybe this will never end for me and I do not want to live my whole life feeling this insecure and unhappy, dependant on everybody else to be "fine".

Thoughts of death have been crossing my mind even though I´m not able to do anything. I´ve been in this tunnel for so long that I´m starting to believe there is no end. Maybe my mental illness has no cure, maybe I really need to be put in an institution. All I want is to stop thinking, to stop feeling... to start living, or stop living altogether.

I need help, I want help, I´ve looked for help... and yet I keep coming back to the same place